Analysis: I Have Bronchitis Again and the World Is Ending, So That’s Fun

Bronchitis Strikes Again It's February. I know this because I'm currently coughing up what I'm pretty sure is an entire lung, wrapped in every blanket I own like some discount biblical shepherd who made some really poor life choices. And honestly, that's not too far off the mark.

Every single year without fail, winter comes for me. Not in the romantic, snow-falling-gently-on-a-Hallmark-movie-set kind of way. In the "congratulations, your bronchial tubes have declared war on your body and there's nothing you can do about it except suffer" kind of way. Bronchitis. Again.

If you've never experienced the joy of bronchitis, let me paint you a picture. Imagine your chest cavity has been replaced with a broken accordion filled with wet gravel. And that accordion is being played by an angry raccoon. At three in the morning. That's bronchitis. You cough so hard your neighbors file noise complaints. You cough so hard you pull muscles in places you didn't even know you had muscles. It's enough to make a man start questioning his life choices.

The Prophecies Are Unfolding

But as I sit here, hacking up a lung and wondering if I should start stocking up on canned goods, I can't help but notice the ominous signs all around us. The prophecies foretold in Scripture are unfolding before our very eyes.

The Rise of Technology Just look at the technology we have today. Brain chips that go right in your forehead, tracking your every move. Digital currency that monitors every single transaction. Revelation 13 warned us about this over 2000 years ago, and now it's here. The end times are upon us, my friends.

The Moral Decay of Society And the moral decay we're seeing? It's biblical in proportion. Greed, lust, pride - the seven deadly sins are running rampant. Just look at the state of our politics, our entertainment, our culture. It's enough to make you want to retreat to a remote cave and wait for the rapture.

Natural Disasters and Global Unrest And the natural disasters, the global unrest, the wars and rumors of wars? The signs are all there, just like Daniel and Isaiah foretold. Famines, pestilences, earthquakes in diverse places. It's all happening, right before our eyes.

The Time Is Now So as I sit here, wheezing and coughing, I can't help but wonder - are you prepared? The apocalypse is upon us, and the time to get right with God is now. The prophecies are unfolding, and there's no time left to waste. Are you ready?